Salutations, puny mortal, and welcome to the webpage of Balzac, the eternal lich!

Adventurers and paladins BEWARE, this webpage was conjured by the EVIL mechanisms of Microsoft FrontPage!!

Yes, you've read that right! My dearest confidant, the archdemon Mullinach, has acquainted me with the bewildering plane of the "World Wide Web," and with his help, I shall spread my reign of terror across the "internet!"

Yes...there is but a single obstacle to my ambitious plan...

...Mayhap two or three, in reality...

Firstly, why must this page be inscribed in this shade of...pink? My eyes have grown brittle from the 50,000 years of dwelling in my humble dungeon, and I feel this pink is burning a hole in my skull.

Secondly, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS INFERNAL, UNCEASING RACKET?! Much like the maggots I find feasting upon my flesh, it is so very, VERY bothersome. In what plane is this commotion representative of the GREAT LORD OF UNDEATH?!

And yet for the very life (or lack of) of me, I cannot seem to decipher the workings of this FrontPage in order to amend my prediciment.

Mullinach, if you are reading this, please come to my dungeon with great haste. I cannot dare be seen by those arrogant paladins while my webpage is in such a sorry state.

And any adventurers or paladins reading this, DEATH SHALL AWAIT THEE. However, if any of ye have expertise in the utilization of "Windows ME," I would be willing to spare your life in exchange of your assistance, regardless of my disdain of the very thought.

And before any of ye even ponder the idea of taking the chance to backstab me, gaze upon the corpse of the last adventurer to defy me.

That is all for the time being. Return once my page has risen to true beauty.

Fare Thee Well, MORTAL!

More horrors shall arise soon, mortal...